Following the Heart

What is the hardest thing you have ever had to do? 

I have watched my loved ones die. I have had my heart broken a dozen times. And I took a Bikram Yoga class for eight consecutive days in a row. Yet nothing has been as hard as trying to follow my own heart. In my last post I said I would try as hard as I could to allow my head to rest and to listen to my heart just a little more for the sake of finding more time to do the things I really want to do. Well, trying to tell my head to chill-out has been as hard as telling a cranky three year old its nap time.

In the process of letting the head go and following my heart I have learned these three things so far:
 1. The Heart doesn't lie. And the Head can be a back stabbing son of a bitch! 
 How often do we allow ourselves to let our minds wonder and create stories about false realities. I do this all the time. We all do. We are human and we are supposed to. But there comes a time when you really need to put the mind in its place. Everyday, I tell myself I should loose weight, I should get botox, I should have a cleaner house. Man, I really let my head have a way with me that brings nothing but disappointment, hurt and heartache. Several years ago I had an amazing experience and awakening. I met a wonderful person named Byron Katie. She teaches what she calls, "the Work". The Work is a is a way of identifying and questioning the thoughts that cause all the fear and suffering in the world. Experience the happiness of undoing those thoughts through The Work, and allow your mind to return to its true, awakened, peaceful, creative nature.

   
 2. The Head will tell you what you should DO. And the Heart tries to tell you what you should BE!
   Basically, I feel myself really wanting to get out of my head and into the world. There is progress. Be it ever so slight. However, this is extremely hard for me not to try to plan every second of the day. I'm a planner! Literally, this is what I do for work. And I am damn good at it too.

 3. The Head loves to repeat the same things. And the Heart lives for adventure and excitement. 

This last weekend, Jason and I went out with the friends to a bar after a dinner party. I had to give my head two hours notice that we were going to the bar and that we should let go and have fun. It is a total process for me to do this. Even at the bar, I allowed myself a half hour to get into the groove before I started to feel myself relaxing and enjoying the moment. It was only a matter of time before my head started telling me that we should be prepared to leave in 20 minutes so that we could get good rest before having to wake up at 8:00 am to meet Jason's family for breakfast. I know there is a difference between being responsible and being to uptight. I think I am still learning the difference.

The following are a few ideas I've come up with that will hopefully close the door to my mind and let my heart come out and play:
  1. I will allow my friends to make more plans for hanging out with little or no input from me. I will try to go with the flow a bit more.
  2. Jason and I just booked our summer vacation to Kauai. Now that the airfare, hotel and transportation have been taken care of, I will not plan anything else. No itineraries. No agendas. No to-do lists.
  3. Adventure Bowl! There is another great Blog out there called, "100 Days in Bed". Basically after a horrible year of death's, break ups and loosing a job, "Adventure Girl", decided it's time to live life to the fullest. One of Adventure Girl's best practices is her Adventure Bowl, 100 Days In Bed
. I will start my own Adventure Bowl...today! And I will share my ideas in the next post. I would love if anyone wanted to share any ideas for the adventure bowl in the comments below.
 
The quest continues to follow my heart... 

In the beginning... again...

I have been writing "Salt in the City" for over a year now. Sometimes frequently, sometimes sporadically. But always from the heart! I began my blog on April 9th 2010 by saying, "In the beginning, there was light"... and it seemed as though the entire last year has been about freeing myself from my own darkness and reveling in the light of others. A pretty good year! Today, I'd like to begin the next year of blogging with a new theme...

In the beginning... there was an idea! 

Much like these five blank canvases, I feel as if I have great potential for being creative and expressive. To be something greater than I am. And that's why this year has got to be about my time, my thoughts, my inspirations, and my passions. Compared to last years total of three paintings completed. This year is looking hopeful with two paintings finished and five more in the works.

What this all boils down to is this.....personal time management. And how I must completely suck at it! One the other hand, maybe its something that I excel at. I mean, I literally have every precious second of everyday planned. From the second I open my eyes in the morning I can calculate the time to get up, shower, iron and be to work. Where I can then gauge my work and determine how much time I will need to complete all tasks. After the work day, I most frequently block my time for Jason, the friends, or the occasional family get together. What I fail to consider within my own daily agenda is the time for me to relax, unwind, release, create and simply just be.

I have fallen into a ritual of tasks and activities that I continue to accomplish on a daily basis. Everyday the same. And while there is always a high level of achievement. There is seldom a sense of satisfaction of doing what I really want to do.

I have also caught myself starting huge tasks that don't allow me the "Me-Time". Taking an extended time to complete them. And thinking about the next big thing that "has to be done" before I complete the task I have already begun. Again, still not doing the things I want and feel like I need to do. I distract myself. For the last 7-8 weekends I have spent a majority of my time painting walls and floors, fixing closets, ripping up carpet, arranging and re-arranging furniture, blah blah blah! And I always tell myself,  "there is a light at the end of the tunnel. After we complete this task THEN we can relax and create". But I always stop myself from the things I want with additional ideas of "what has to be done next". I also think that if I complain about all the things I have to do to everyone, then I will get more help and sympathy. Sometimes it works. But mostly, I find that other people are doing what THEY think and want to do. My problems really shouldn't be theirs too.However, if you'd like to help, call me direct to schedule a time!

I think the secret is this... really listening to your heart. I know it is telling me what it wants. The head and thoughts are the hearts interrupter. I am challenging myself to listen a little harder to the heart. Thus, allowing my head to rest. Geez, it all sounds so nice saying it aloud. "Listen to my heart and allow my head to rest!" It's almost like a mini vacation. For the next week I will make every effort to relax the mind and allow my heart to lead... I invite anyone to post a comment about following their heart and how they find the time to do what they really want. The more insight the better.

Next blog, Heart: "Free at last, free at last, thank god I'm free at last". Head: "Zzzzz!"

Painting, Wine, and Shoes

It finally happened. After 9 months I finally picked up a paintbrush! The result? Two paintings in two days. I've had a lot of inspiration lately... The first painting was inspired by my dear new friend Kristen in Australia. The gurl is a shoe-hoard! She recently cleaned out her car and found 8 pairs of shoes that she had completely forgotten about.

So a painting for a fabulous pair of shoes seemed appropriate for her. I called the painting, "A Pair Never to Wear". The painting has now made its way across the world to Melbourne, Australia. It is the furthest Andrew original to date. I'M INTERNATIONAL!!!!!

The second painting was inspired by my Boss Don. Don celebrated his birthday last week. I knew the painting would need to be truly original, elegant and fun. I was somewhat nervous about attempting to paint something for him and his house. His house is like a gallery already. Creating something to compete for wall space in his house was a challenge. Again, the result was picture perfect. Not only did Don love the painting, but he had it framed and hung within a day or two of receiving it. I was very flattered that he was so quick to find a home for the painting!

Next on the painting agenda... I have 6 paintings to crank out. Five of which I offered to the first five people that responded to a facebook post. And the paintings couldn't go to 5 more deserving and random friends. Melanie Hardman, a neighbor from the first house I lived in, someone I have know my entire life. Stefanie Peacock, my boy friend Jason's cousin. Rachel Sharwell, a friend I have worked with, several years ago and again currently. Kristen Johnson, a friend of a friend who has become a dear friend. And my brother, Larry, whom I haven't painted for since I was in High School. The 6th painting has been a long time coming. a life long friend has yet to receive an Andrew Benson original. I'm not sure why it has taken so long. Not the right time? Not the right ideas? Who knows. So... I am opening my mind to the universe for divine inspiration to create a work of art that will be both beautiful and also show the sincere love, devotion and appreciation I have for this friend...

Six paintings by the end of the month? possible? Here's hoping!

How Big is Your World?

There are over 7,081,572,900 people in this world. And every single individual on this planet shares at least one thing in common. It's an ability we all have. The ability to change or affect another person's destiny. At any random moment you could cross paths with someone that will forever change your life or theirs. Whether by chance or by fate, you are bound to have your life transformed because of the actions of another.

I am also a total believer in Synchronicity. Synchronicity is an occurrence of multiple events, not determined or planned before hand, and end up having a meaningful impact. For example, my bff Tiffany used to bug me to download a Game-app on my iphone. Took me awhile, but I finally downloaded Words with friends. Basically, Words with Friends is a scrabble game that can be played from a phone with anyone with the same application. The game also allows you to play randomly against an anonymous player. I guessed that the random person would be somewhat local, or at least within a 3,000 mile radius. Really I had no idea how far a player could be selected. A few months ago I started playing against, "Kit-B". I assumed "Kit-B" to be female and to live within the States. After a few games "Kit-B" started sending a few messages through our game.

Mostly, messages like, "Hey nice game!" or, "Hope you have a nice day!" Extremely polite gaming-conversation considering most of the messages sent from other players consisted of death threats or catchy phrases like, "Yo mama's so fat she's on both sides of the family!" or my favorite from "Juke1919", "eat dirt, turd bag!" Anyhow, "Kit-B" was a breath of fresh air and I could tell that she would probably be interested in furthering our "Words" relationship. I took it to the next level and asked where she was from. I was utterly shocked when I saw her reply.... AUSTRALIA! Forget about a 600,000lb. 747 gliding through the air. Or taking an organ and transplanting it into another person. How the hell is it possible for me to instantly play scrabble with someone on the other side of the planet? My world got a little smaller. On a daily basis I look forward to the next update from "Kit-B" a.k.a. Kristen B.. Seriously, the girl has me in stitches on a daily basis. Lately, our conversations have been about flying midgets, ex-boyfriends, and the dramas of eating and drinking less. There is also talk of meeting up in Vegas in June! My new "Words"-friend has become a permanent fixture in my life. Not only do I call my own mother everyday, but I now have to check in with my favorite Aussie. A day is not complete without a few messages exchanged.

So, how big is your world? Just how open and receptive are you to new friends?

My "Word" friend has reminded me how small the world can be. And how connected we really are. I think what the world needs now is a little, "Words with Friends".

Salt in the City back in the game!

I haven't posted in well over a month. I have a million excuses why I haven't posted. But the truth is I have been hitting the creative snooze button for way to long. Being able to be creative in any aspect does more than nourish my soul. It calms my mind. It lightens my spirit. And it is the best way for me to connect with those that I love.

So why haven't I posted, painted, written, or even sketched a doodle if I know this is what keeps me going? Depression?. Maybe. Lack of drive? Yeah, probably. No time. Most definitely. And a horrible excuse. Why wouldn't anyone make their passion a priority? Especially if they know that it fuels their fire.

Several weeks ago I was discussing with friends my lack of urgency in the creative realm and in the same breath I was complaining about feeling down and having no energy. DUH!!!! I wasn't feeding myself. I wasn't allowing myself to gorge on paint brushes and sketch pads.  

So for the next few posts I am changing "Salt in the City" to "Sketch in the City". Time to dust of the creative brain and showcase a few projects. These first few sketches are from the past summer and from two nights ago. Thanks for letting me share, like you had a choice!

 

Sloshing with the Cluff's

I hate to say it folks, but Summer is officially coming to an end. This last weekend was Labor Day. Which meant it was the last "Pool Day" of the year. Maybe its the cost of keeping a pool open, or the possibility of a sudden freak snow storm that has caused what I call a premature-pool-closing. There are bound to be several more days of 80 plus degree weather, cloudless skies, and lazy afternoons with nothing to do. But there will be no more Pool Days to be had until next year.

In an effort to prove our sincere dedication and love to the summer, Jason and I hung out with his family at his mothers pool. The sun was bright, not a cloud in the sky. Only a very faint hint of fall in the air. And although the crisp air was lofting around us, no one let it stop our day of frolicking by the pool.

Hanging with Jason's family, the Cluff's, can sometimes be such a breath of fresh air in it's self. The family as a whole is very young. And they are all still very much about having fun and laughing with each other. Never a dull moment with the Cluff's. So there's this thing we do when we all get together in a pool. Everyone jumps as hard and fast as possible causing huge waves in the pool. No one stops until the water is sploshing out of the pool. Yes, it's dumb fun! But hey! That's what the Cluff's are about right!?!

So this last weekend, while "Sloshing with the Cluff's". I got to thinking about my own life and how I have been striving for more peace and stillness. The pool had become a lot like my life. I spend all day moving and doing and sloshing the water. I think I cause more waves in my pool than anyone. Yet, at the end of the day I wonder why I can't find stillness. I want so much to float on the glass surface, yet the waves are still pounding and swirling around me. My pool is still sloshing at the end of the day. And it doesn't stop just because I want it too. It takes patience. And I think that it means that during my day to day interactions and working that I try not sloshing as much as possible.

Sloshing. This can mean causing drama. Talking behind someones back. Not getting everything done that you need too. Procrastinating! Negative thinking. Eating unhealthy. Not working out. There are a lot of ways one can slosh in one's own pool. And I think we should try not sloshing someone else pool either.

I've recently started a Tai Chi class Monday nights at the red Lotus Center in Salt Lake. I first saw the website for the class about a month ago. More than anything, the one word I kept seeing repeated on the website that seemed so attractive to me was the word Stillness. This is exactly what my pool needs. I've had only 2 classes and already I can feel a calming within. Very subtle, but I know it's there. The breathing techniques and the movements seem to calm my mind and excite it at the same time. Tai Chi to my mind is like telling a dog, "Do you want a treat?" The dog knows its going to be nourished and it gets so excited it can hardly contain itself. My mind knows the serenity and peace in store and it is jumping at the bit to experience it.

Side note. If you haven't seen the movie, "Eat Pray Love", then you need to see it. Yes it's a chick flick. And yes, the book is better than the movie. But there are a lot of great things to be learned from the movie. In one scene, Liz, the main character is in Italy with new found friends. They are discussing using only one word to describe different places in the world. For example, London's word would be Stuffy. Rome's word was Sex. Then the friends ask Liz what her personal word is. Basically, that's what the movie becomes about is Liz finding her own personal word. And for right now in my life, my word is Stillness.

Been to long!

Its been way to long since the last post. Since the last post I've traveled to New Orleans for work. Had the Flu of the century and dropped 8 lbs. And I've been squeezing the last out of the last days of summer.

This coming weekend is Labor Day Weekend, three days off, not much planned. So I immediately begin making my own personal honey-do lists. Right now the list consist of chores, duties and organizing. But here's the really pathetic part. I find myself also planning times to enjoy time. Like reminding yourself to breathe.

8:30 am, Wake up, straighten house
9:30 am, Finish laundry
10:00 am, Sit on porch and relax
10:01 am, Finish painting living room

Do you find yourself doing that too? Or are you the kind of person I want so much to be like? Just dealing with what comes your way. Enjoying life all the time, not when scheduled.Able to relax when not in motion. I can't seem to not be in motion. There is always something that needs to be done. And yet, I know in the back of my mind that fi something doesn't get done. It will be there for me tomorrow. I guess I fear that tomorrow my honey-do list gets longer and longer. And reality is that my lists do get longer and longer. Where is the stillness? 

Tonight I start a new class, T'ai Chi. In addition to being healthy for mind and body, I am taking T'ai Chi to learn the Art of Stillness. I can hardly wait. I plan sharing the experience in the next entry.

Last night, after work, I attempted stillness. I pulled out the hammock and grabbed the dog. Ellie, my little Lahso Apso quietly laid upon my chest as I drifted in and out of sleep, while we swayed in the hammock. After a quick nap, I found myself very content watching and studying Ellie. She was so still, head up and alert, but had remained still on my chest for over an hour. Her ears would perk up with the sounds from the neighborhood, but she remained perched and watching. Content and quiet. No to-do lists. No agendas. Just the moment. There is something to be learned from the contentment of a dog.