What is the hardest thing you have ever had to do?
I have watched my loved ones die. I have had my heart broken a dozen times. And I took a Bikram Yoga class for eight consecutive days in a row. Yet nothing has been as hard as trying to follow my own heart. In my last post I said I would try as hard as I could to allow my head to rest and to listen to my heart just a little more for the sake of finding more time to do the things I really want to do. Well, trying to tell my head to chill-out has been as hard as telling a cranky three year old its nap time.
In the process of letting the head go and following my heart I have learned these three things so far:
1. The Heart doesn't lie. And the Head can be a back stabbing son of a bitch!
How often do we allow ourselves to let our minds wonder and create stories about false realities. I do this all the time. We all do. We are human and we are supposed to. But there comes a time when you really need to put the mind in its place. Everyday, I tell myself I should loose weight, I should get botox, I should have a cleaner house. Man, I really let my head have a way with me that brings nothing but disappointment, hurt and heartache. Several years ago I had an amazing experience and awakening. I met a wonderful person named Byron Katie. She teaches what she calls, "the Work". The Work is a is a way of identifying and questioning the thoughts that cause all the fear and suffering in the world. Experience the happiness of undoing those thoughts through The Work, and allow your mind to return to its true, awakened, peaceful, creative nature.
2. The Head will tell you what you should DO. And the Heart tries to tell you what you should BE!
Basically, I feel myself really wanting to get out of my head and into the world. There is progress. Be it ever so slight. However, this is extremely hard for me not to try to plan every second of the day. I'm a planner! Literally, this is what I do for work. And I am damn good at it too.
3. The Head loves to repeat the same things. And the Heart lives for adventure and excitement.
This last weekend, Jason and I went out with the friends to a bar after a dinner party. I had to give my head two hours notice that we were going to the bar and that we should let go and have fun. It is a total process for me to do this. Even at the bar, I allowed myself a half hour to get into the groove before I started to feel myself relaxing and enjoying the moment. It was only a matter of time before my head started telling me that we should be prepared to leave in 20 minutes so that we could get good rest before having to wake up at 8:00 am to meet Jason's family for breakfast. I know there is a difference between being responsible and being to uptight. I think I am still learning the difference.
The following are a few ideas I've come up with that will hopefully close the door to my mind and let my heart come out and play:
1. I will allow my friends to make more plans for hanging out with little or no input from me. I will try to go with the flow a bit more.
2. Jason and I just booked our summer vacation to Kauai. Now that the airfare, hotel and transportation have been taken care of, I will not plan anything else. No itineraries. No agendas. No to-do lists.
3. Adventure Bowl! There is another great Blog out there called, "100 Days in Bed". Basically after a horrible year of death's, break ups and loosing a job, "Adventure Girl", decided it's time to live life to the fullest. One of Adventure Girl's best practices is her Adventure Bowl, 100 Days In Bed
. I will start my own Adventure Bowl...today! And I will share my ideas in the next post. I would love if anyone wanted to share any ideas for the adventure bowl in the comments below.
The quest continues to follow my heart...